Jamie: "Knickers. I'm knickers obsessed. I must learn to control it."

Linda: "What's a phallic symbol?"
Jamie: "Phallic symbol? It's something that stands for something else. No, that's a fallacy. Get it? It was a joke."

Jamie: "I'm sorry I bumped into you."
Linda: "Well, no hard feelings then."
Jamie: "That's what you think!"

Jamie (referring to Mary): "My big chance to speak to her for the first time and I'm wasting it. I'm an idiot. I don't know what to say. Spike would know. He's chatted them into bed and I can't even chat hello. They should have correspondence courses. Teach yourself to chat."

Jamie: "Me own brother, Casanova at sixteen, and me still a celibate monk. The whole country's having it off and it's like I'm a leper. Where's me bell? Unclean! Perhaps I've got B.O."

1st Housewife: "I never tire of fish, do you?"
2nd Housewife: "No, I'm never tired of fish."
1st Housewife: "I'm tired of meat. Yah, I do tire of meat."
2nd Housewife: "Yah, I do tire of meat."
1st Housewife: "I tire of meat and I tire of chicken but I never tire of fish."
2nd Housewife: "No, I never tire of fish, no."

Jamie: "Warm hands, warm heart. Cold hands, cold crotch."
Linda: "Never heard that one before. What's crotch mean?"
Jamie: "Well, what do we say...it's the difference between the top of your legs and the bottom of your bottom."

Jamie: "It seems so unfair. The ones you fancy don't fancy you and the ones that fancy you, you don't fancy. Period."

Spike: "Every bird is fair game mate, for you and for me."

Caroline: "No, don't touch me. That would spoil everything. Just look at me first."

Caroline: "C'mon Jamie, what's the matter with the floor?"
Jamie: "It's hard."
Caroline: "Ok, on top of the wardrobe then."

Mrs. McGregor inspecting Jamie's underwear with Audrey: "Do you know I boil them three times and they're still as bad. Jamie, what do you do to them?"

Mrs. McGregor (waving goodbye to Jamie and Audrey as they leave for a party): "Not too many of those nasty drugs, you too!"

Compiled by Jeff Stafford