(PRE-CREDITS SEQUENCE):
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages, we're going to present for your approval a novelty picture with an all midget cast, the first of its kind ever to be produced. I'm told that it has everything. That is, everything that a Western should have. It's a soul stirring drama, a searing saga of the sagebrush, and it's called "The Terror of Tiny Town." But I must caution you not to take it too seriously. This picture beg...
BUCK LAWSON (Billy Curtis): Hey Mister! Come down here! I wanna talk to you.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, pardon me. (Listens as 'Buck' whispers in his ear). Excuse me. There's a slight correction. (Listens again). You mean it is serious?
BUCK LAWSON: Sure it's serious! I'm the hero. After this picture's out, I'll be the biggest cowboy star in Hollywood.
BAT HAINES ('Little Billy' Rhodes): Wait a minute! (sneering) Biggest star in Hollywood...
ANNOUNCER: Who are you? Well, who are you?
BAT HAINES: I'm the villain. (reacts to hissing from unseen audience) Who did that? (audience laughs and applauds) The applause is OK (draws gun), but who laughed? I'm the toughest hombre that ever drew lead, and I ain't afraid o' the biggest one o' you. I'm the Terror of Tiny Town, and that's the star part.
BUCK LAWSON: That's what you think.
BAT HAINES: Yeeeah. That's just what I think!
ANNOUNCER: (separating the two) Wait a minute! Men! Men! Wait a minute!
BUCK LAWSON: We'll see! Let's go through with the picture.
ANNOUNCER: That's a swell idea. Let's go through with the picture!

POP LAWSON (John Bambury): Buck, if you've got all that chirping out of your system, maybe you can get back to the ranch.
BUCK LAWSON: Sure Dad. I'm riding back right away.
POP LAWSON: I want you to go up to the North Fork range, and see what's wrong up there.
BUCK LAWSON: Whaddaya think's wrong?
POP LAWSON: I don't know – I was up through there the other day, and there ain't hardly a calf on the range. And I don't think cows have quit havin' families.
BUCK LAWSON: Maybe a mountain lion's been getting' 'em?
POP LAWSON: I didn't see any lion tracks.
BUCK LAWSON: Well, I'll scout around and see what I can find out.

BAT HAINES: Here comes Buck Lawson! Hit leather! Keep that iron in – I want Buck Lawson to find it!

BUCK LAWSON: Dad, it ain't mountain lions that's been gettin' away with our calves. I jumped a bunch o' rustlers at work.
POP LAWSON: Rustlers!
BUCK LAWSON: And they left in such a hurry, they forgot their branding iron.
POP LAWSON: (looks at iron) Cheap Work Pete! Tex Preston!
BUCK LAWSON: That's the way I read it.
POP LAWSON: Why that low-down ki-yoat! I fought Tex Preston to a standstill 15 years ago and it looks like he ain't learned his lesson!

OTTO/THE COOK (Charles Becker): Mr. Preston – I think to myself, you tired of eat beef, so I cook you a nice duck. Oh Boy. (Kisses duck) She looks beautiful in a frying pan.

OTTO/THE COOK: Fritz! Come here ducky! For goodness sake, can't we sit down somewhere and talk things over?

POP LAWSON: Seems to me that I smell something that should be buried. Smells mighty like a polecat.
TEX PRESTON (Bill Platt): Why, you!
POP LAWSON: I won't get shaved here today. I might catch smallpox.

BUCK LAWSON (Watching stagecoach being approached by Bat and his men): I wonder who those hombres are? Let's pick up their trail and see what they're up to.

THE SHERIFF (Joseph Herbst): Buck, how about riding with the posse?
BUCK LAWSON: I've got an idea that I'd be wasting my time.
THE SHERIFF: Meaning anything in particular?
BUCK LAWSON: No, it just seems that you don't have any luck when you go hunting outlaws.

THE SHERIFF: I'm warnin' you, Tex. Don't start no trouble in town.
TEX PRESTON: I don't want trouble. But I won't run away from it, either!

POP LAWSON: This the way you ride the line, lollygagging with one of the Preston breed?
BUCK LAWSON: Dad, she has nothing to do with the quarrel between you and Tex Preston.
POP LAWSON: She's of the same breed and, man or woman, I won't have one of them on my range.

BUCK LAWSON: We both know who killed Tex Preston.
BAT HAINES: Yeah, but I know who's going to hang for it.
BUCK LAWSON: Don't bank on that too heavy.

Compiled by John M. Miller