If you were lucky enough to have cable television in the 80's and happened to be staying up late on a Friday or Saturday night, you might have been able to catch the film Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (1982) on Showtime or maybe the late night television program, "Night Flight". The classic tale of an all-girl punk band trying to make it into the big time was never officially released on home video and save for a few art house theater screenings and the occasional bootleg that would pop up, the film has been virtually unattainable.

The story behind Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains is a messy and complicated one. It was riddled with production problems, an editing process that took over a year to complete, and after all was said and done, Paramount Studios decided to shelve the film for over 20 years. Director Lou Adler, who was best known for his work in the music industry (he was the manager of many classic acts, including The Mamas & The Papas and Carole King), had directed one other film before The Fabulous Stains: the Cheech & Chong classic Up in Smoke (1978). Adler at least had a wealth of talent involved, including Academy Award Winner screenwriter Nancy Dowd, 15 year old actor Diane Lane as the lead (coming off her very first movie, A Little Romance [1979]), and real-life punk rock musicians from current acts such as The Sex Pistols , The Tubes, and The Clash. Dowd, who had previously won an Academy Award for penning the Hal Ashby-directed Vietnam veteran saga Coming Home (1978), had been inspired by punk rock band The Ramones to write ...The Fabulous Stains. She hired punk rock columnist Caroline Coon, who had done much of the initial writing about the UK punk scene years in previous years, to lend her expertise to the costumes and make up on the film.

When it seemed like everything was in place, shooting began and things started coming apart at the seams. Dowd and Adler reportedly did not see eye to eye, with Dowd claiming she felt pushed out of the production by virtually everyone. She even claimed that she was groped by one of the cameramen. Dowd eventually took her name off the film completely and used a pseudonym instead. Adler also took over a year to edit the film after shooting wrapped up, allegedly changing the ending several times. Once Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains was completed, it was previewed at a few test screenings and the response was so poor that Paramount decided not to release it at all. Many of the cast and crew hadn't even seen the film in its entirety after it was completed.

Perhaps it was the serious unavailability of Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains over the years that created its rabid cult following, but the film itself is unique in that it captures a genuine place and time in the music culture, yet has a message that seems relevant. Diane Lane first appears in the movie on a 60 Minutes-type news show as Corrine Burns, a young gal being interviewed about being recently orphaned and fired from her last job. She's smoking and unaffected, applying heavy makeup and giving sarcastic answers to every question she's asked, talking about a band she's in with her sister (Marin Kanter) and her cousin (Laura Dern) called The Stains. Corrine eventually gets backstage at a local punk rock concert featuring The Looters (featuring real-life Sex Pistols' musician Paul Cook plus Steve Jones and Paul Simonon from The Clash, and actor Ray Winstone on lead vocals) playing opener to an aging 70's hard rock band called The Metal Corpses (starring Tubes singer Fee Waybill as lead singer "Lou Corpse"). When Lou asks his tour manager Lawnboy (Barry Ford) to find a new opening act, he hires The Stains for their very first gig. Needless to say, The Stains barely know how to play their instruments. After a few painful notes which leave the audience disinterested and running towards the doors, Corrine finally rips off her trench coat and hat to reveal little more than a see through blouse and underwear, a crazy two-tone skunk striped hairdo, and outrageous red makeup. Corrine begins to taunt the audience and goes into a tirade about "not putting out" before leaving the stage.

Corrine's antics eventually capture the attention of a local news anchor who waxes philosophical over the band's provocative look while promoting their next shows on air. Suddenly the word spreads and the Stains gain a following. Young girls from all over begin dressing like Corrine and attending the shows in hoards, claiming Corrine as a quasi feminist icon. The Stains start playing better (their sound is very reminiscent of underground girl group The Shaggs and many of the riot grrrl bands to come) and are getting bigger and better gigs thanks to their newfound fame. Looters lead singer Billy (Winstone) tries to school Corrine on the nature of the business while trying to give her some emotional support but she hardly pays attention; The Stains were now an overnight sensation and Corrine was now calling for The Looters to be THEIR opening act! The Stains seemed to have finally made it...but will their fame last?

Despite the unevenness of the pacing at times and the occasional gaps in plot (perhaps due to the lengthy editing process), Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains still manages to be very entertaining. The topics of media-created fame, gimmick over true talent, and the sexualization of young female musicians are all touched on in the film and the movie is also a great glimpse into the early 80's punk scene. It's amazing that Adler managed to score members of The Clash and The Sex Pistols while they were still in their heyday. Fee Waybill gives a memorable performance as the washed up Lou Corpse; it's a shame he wasn't able to make more films. The real treat however is 15-year old Diane Lane as the tough acting, rebellious Corrine "Third Degree" Burns. Fans of Lane will definitely be able to see her emerging talent as an actress of great promise in this film.

Despite all the problems Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains has suffered along the way, there is a happy ending to the story; fans that have been waiting to see the film finally got their wish in September of 2008 when Rhino Records released the movie on DVD, including commentary tracks with Lou Adler and a very entertaining joint commentary track with Laura Dern and Diane Lane.

Producer: Joe Roth
Director: Lou Adler
Screenplay: Rob Morton
Cinematography: Bruce Surtees
Film Editing: Tom Benko
Cast: Diane Lane (Corinne Burns), Ray Winstone (Billy - Vocals for The Looters), Peter Donat (Harley Dennis), David Clennon (Dave Robell - The Agent), John Lehne (Stu McGrath), Cynthia Sikes (Alicia Meeker), Janet Wright (Aunt Linda's Friend Brenda), Mia Bendixsen (pregnant girl in ladies' room), Laura Dern (Jessica McNeil), Stuart Ferguson (Gold Key D.J.), Marin Kanter (Tracy Burns).
C-87m.

by Millie De Chirico