A young man moves to New York City and falls for a cold-hearted beauty.

Bernard Chanticleer, a 19-year-old virgin, works as a roller-skating stack boy in the New York Public Library. His mother, Margery, dotes on him and tries to spoil him, while his father, I. H., the library's curator of rare books, is in a hurry to see his son grow up. Bernard, however, is happy only with his dog, Rover, whom he calls "Dog" against his parents' wishes. To become more independent Bernard moves into a roominghouse run by the eccentric Miss Thing, but opportunity for romance is restricted by a woman-hating rooster who guards the premises and refuses to allow any females to pass. One night Bernard goes to a Greenwich Village discotheque with two library employees: Raef, who has had considerable experience with sex and drugs, and the pretty Amy, who soon develops a crush on him. Bernard, however, is more captivated by Barbara Darling, an actress who works as the nightclub's go-go dancer. Having once been assaulted by a wooden-legged albino hypnotherapist, Barbara is a confirmed man-hater who occupies her time in a crazily decorated apartment dictating her memoirs to Richard Mudd, a dwarf. After sending Barbara a love letter, Bernard spends a disastrous night with her, and upon returning to her apartment the next day, he finds that Raef has moved in with her. Filled with despair, he goes to his father's office, steals the library's Gutenberg Bible, and runs into the street with nearly all involved in pursuit. Bernard is cornered in a department store and arrested, but Amy, accompanied by "Dog," brings him bail money and offers all her love. Revitalized, Bernard joins her in a carefree fling through Manhattan.