I had a telephone call from an absolute stranger asking me to meet him in a bar! I'd like to know what authorities to inform about that.
I'm being tortured these days by all sorts of people. The other day on the street a dwarf followed me. He had a little platform with roller skates and he chased me! And then you know what he did? He winked at me! Why would a dwarf wink at me?
Ungrateful little monsters...they've forgotten all about you. You've hardly slept through a night because of them, cleaned up their messes, nursed them through fevers, wiped up their vomit, put up with their tantrums, you've given your life for them...they don't even know you're alive!
If you married again nobody in the world would criticize you. They say when a widower marries again it's a real compliment to the first wife.
I'm the kind of guy who never walks when he can stand and never stands when he can sit.